My 30’s haven’t been quite like most would describe them or anywhere near what I thought they were supposed to be. You see I thought I would be healed of all my life’s problems by God and no longer deal with things like depression or anxiety. I had expectations that didn’t align with Gods will for my life.

Much to my surprise I was not healed in fact the Lord decided to let me fall flat on my face at 32, yet again, to the valleys where the darkest depression lay.

But……..

THAT IS WHERE I FOUND MYSELF; who I really am; what I am really made of!

You see some would have given up, some would have chosen a darker path and stayed in that valley, and others would choose to fight.

We all fight our battles differently and I choose to fight mine with The Lord on my side, hand in hand, and one breath at a time.

So who am I?

When you fall to the valleys you find out who your friends are, you find out who will check in on you, and sometimes you will see people in a way you weren’t expecting.

But if you look inward and look towards God what you will find is your truths!

What I found is that I AM stronger than I ever give myself credit for!
I AM an amazing human being who chooses to love others instead of keeping them down!
I AM a light for Jesus when the world is soo very dark/dim; we need more sunshine!
I AM courageous; I continue to get up & fight this battle others know nothing about!
I AM beautiful just the way God made me!
I AM LOVED by God!

We should take our weaknesses and turn them into our strengths! Find your purpose in God and understand that just because you love the Lord doesn’t mean you won’t have struggles!
But because HE LOVES YOU means he will ALWAYs be there with you through it all!!

Find You and love YOU!

JESUS LOVES YOU!

✌🏼 & 💗
Brit

{A life I love so very much}

•Let me start out by just saying, please don’t misunderstand the title or this blog entirely, it is not meant to sound like a pile of complaints.

I am a 31 year old full time working wife and mother to 2 children who simply just needed to get her feelings out on paper or in this case my notes section of my Apple I phone. 🤷‍♀️

Life this day and age is ever evolving and changing. I don’t know about you or your household, but for us it seems that no matter how many times we try we can NEVER stay on a good routine. Despite our best efforts to have our beautiful, well mannered, little angels eat 3 balanced meals a day, always get along, and say their prayers every evening I want to be completely honest with you so here it goes……

We never achieve much of the above listed. Not even close.

And that is where this entire thing began.

One night while sitting outside my daughters door in an effort to get her to bed, on her own, without having to give in I sat and wrote each word you’re reading.

This is not a book/blog/vent session for you to read; merely a few thoughts rambled out on my phone that I hoped might encourage not only others, but in a few years I’d look back and remember how truly THANKFUL I am to be so so so so so overwhelmed right now.

Life right now for us, my husband Garry and I, seems to be moving so fast, but some days/nights are soooo long at the exact same time somehow. Grayson is my kind hearted 6 year old, soon to be 7 and while he has the appearance of a 10 year old and an IQ way above mine he has these emotionally immature moments that make me want to pull my hair out. The tantrums that come out of nowhere over things he knows are no big deal, but bless him he can’t help it and so we continue to work through it, as a family, one day at a time!

Then there is Abigail, sweet sweet 2 going on 22 year old Abigail. She’s my spitfire, my independent mountain moving, the skies the limit fierce child. She has us by the horns and she can outsmart the best of them. Let’s just say she is going to have her way in life no doubt about it. So with her we just take it one day at a time!

If you’re noticing a pattern here it’s because there is one. In this household, I have learned, if we begin to worry too much or too long on tomorrow or even next week, we all become a little more uptight. I can feel myself getting tense just even mentioning the list of things I have to think about for tomorrow to do, but man next week, it CAN and WILL wait! I mean come on, at the end of the day what do we have to truly show for ourselves if we don’t take the time to stop and enjoy the moments that are passing us by? ….. nothing.

It is repeated in the Bible twice that I can find ,”What is it if you gain the whole world, yet forfeit your soul?”

Matthew 16:26

Mark 8:36

And if The Lord said it twice then that’s enough to get my attention, because I don’t want him to have to repeat that again! I take notice; now!

You see for me I have struggled more recently with trying to not become too overwhelmed with all the blessings God has given us. He has provided for us in ways I could never even measure or count. There have been times I am not sure I would make it through the day, mainly due to postpartum depression, but he saw me through that dark time. He has seen me through some of the most trying times and I am sure I have forgotten to thank him for it.

If we’re being completely honest here I guess I would say I have or used to be a “well the glass is half empty” kind of girl.

But I am praying so hard now with all of these blessings to make sure that I remember to be thankful to God and find that in reality my glass is ALWAYS half FULL instead!

Now don’t go patting me on the back or putting me on a pedestal, because I haven’t mastered it yet and again I continue to break those chains that once used to bound me to the old girl I used to be. But I am determined to wake up every morning and find that life can hand me lemons and by gosh I can make some darn good lemonade with them; maybe. 🤤😆🤪

Listen, I am just writing this message to be a constant reminder to not only those who read it, but mainly to MYSELF, to always choose thankfulness after I’ve become overwhelmed. Notice I didn’t say over, because, just being transparent again, I don’t want to set myself up for complete face shattering failure. I deep down believe that God does not expect us as mothers or parents to be perfect. I just believe he calls us to do our best; be honest, be kind, be encouraging, be respectful, be understanding (as often as you can), be helpful, be giving, be responsible, and mostly be forgiving.

Forgive yourself right now for all of those times that you yelled or raised your voice at those sweet angels who are sleeping right now that look so precious. Let me remind you they rise again tomorrow to destroy the house you so nicely tidied up before bed without remorse. Be forgiving of the time you didn’t fix that amazingly healthy 4 course meal and make sure they got their vitamins every day (pst, who can even get their kids to take vitamins because it ain’t me).

Most of all, and I’ll wrap this thing up, just know that God forgives you and loves you just as you are sweet mama. He knows our hearts, he knows our struggles, and I pray he knows deep down I want to provide my children with the best life I can, despite alllllllllll of the many mistakes I make daily! So as for me and my home we will take it one day at a time just being thankfully overwhelmed by all of Gods beautiful blessings.

Pray with me,

Lord,

I am thankful for every blessing I have received, big or small, recognized and those I can’t see.

You know that I want nothing more then for my home to be just that, a home. A place where my children can run free and enjoy life with no worries at all. A place filled with love and laughter, but sometimes messes and messy people with a whole lot of forgiveness.

God, I ask that you guide us as we raise these tiny humans and that we show them what your love is like. I pray we as mothers can find time to be with you and that we can use that time wisely as we all know time to ourselves is few and far between.

Lord forgive us for not always valuing ourselves as we lose ourselves in this thing called motherhood. It is so very beautiful.

Also forgive us for our many sins.

In your name we pray,

Amen.

With all the✌🏼 & 💗

Brit

•Do you ever feel like you’re one foot in and one foot out in this game called life?

Insert the dreaded Mom guilt here👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻…..

•Guilty if you buy them a toy, but guilty if you don’t ??

•Guilty for taking time by yourself to get a pedicure because God only knows the last time those toes have seen a nail file or clippers? (That might just be me though 😅

•Guilty for hiding in the pantry where the snacks are or the closet with a snack just for a few minutes while your kids roam the house to find you? (Again maybe just me 🤷‍♀️🥴)

•Truth be told, up until recently, and even still, I feel guilty day in and day out for just not feeling 100% present in any moment of my life. I pray to be the most amazing wife, mother, daughter, friend, employee, co-worker, and stranger you’ll ever meet! But man I fail MISERABLY every single day… because I put my expectations so high in myself and myself alone.

Let’s be honest though we women and mothers were built for this right? We should be able to handle all of this AND more… right? Our ancestors fought for our freedoms and then a group of women fought for the right to work so we should be thankful RIGHT? ……..

---

WRONG— partially anyway….

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The truth is we are all in this circus act and God is the ringmaster! He is the one who can guide us by the Holy Spirit to remind us that maybe we should slow down a little! Take more time to enjoy those children or take that 10 minute break in the pantry because we NEED IT! And it is totally okay! •We mamas have fought those daily battles from which clothes they will wear, to gratefully changing all those messy diapers, picking up that same mess they made 752 times in the same day, then to fighting over not taking a bath tonight as they have mud caked on their precious irrational faces!I believe God intended for us to fight those battles to get them to a point where we get to sit back and truly enjoy the fruits of our labor and enjoy grand babies or life with our husbands and alllll the alone time we could imagine (maybe)!! 😏 Those women did fight for our freedoms to work, but they didn’t intend for us women/mothers to KILL ourselves and lose who we were called by God to be in the process!

•I truly believe they intended for us to work part time (preferably 3 days a week 8 hour shifts with 1 hour PAID lunch breaks to catch up on life)😅 😉😁okay I’m pushing it!

-I do believe those women intended for us to have purpose outside of our children because one day they will leave this home we built with them to make new memories of their own! And that time will be here in the blink of an rye no doubt!

But…..Until then ladies and fellow mamas— do NOT believe those lies that the devil himself tries to tell you!

<YOU ARE ENOUGH>

God formed you in your mothers womb and he has always known the woman you have and will become on this earth as long as you allow him to work in and through you!

-It is totally okay (in my eyes) to take that bubble bath alone after the kids are in bed even if it means staying up past 10.

-It’s okay to cry when your kids cry because you are all tired and hungry….

-It’s wonderful if you can feed your littles healthy foods every evening, or 1-2 evenings, or if some nights you eat cheese puffs and cereal for dinner… hey they ate right?!

It is OKAY to sometimes just be real and raw and let your kids see that you don’t have it all together because they need to know that is reality! Facebook, tik tok, Instagram, and social media are not (most of the time) reality!

I guess my three biggest pieces of advice for whatever they’re worth to those of you who have read this far are…..

1. PRAY A LOT (for yourself too)

2. Find balance that works for you

AND

3. GIVE YOURSELF SOME GRACE!!! (We all need it; a lot of it)

Life is tough; parenting in these times is even tougher! Let’s stick together, pray for each other, and let’s share snacks with each other please?! 🤷‍♀️😂

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

“Come with Me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.” Mark 6:31

(EVEN GOD KNEW WE NEEDED REST YALL) 😉

With all the ✌🏼 & 💗,

Brit

Why do we join Facebook?

For acceptance? For a platform to speak our minds/opinions? Or a place to feel connected?

I joined for those same reasons and to know that I wanted to keep up with family and friends far away! Yes it’s easy to just use it for those things, but what about when it turns into isolation from reality?

That’s where my problem lies with the entire creation of these social media organizations!

I stay torn. Torn between two worlds, but God always guides me!

I want to raise children that are deep thinkers, critical thinkers at that! I want to raise human beings who are kind and respectful of others whose opinions are different than theirs! There is always going to be a debate somewhere to be had; no doubt! And I am all for a proper, knowledge based, calm debate! But my question remains, is it truly meant for Facebook to be the face of your “life book”?

You see I had an addiction to Facebook/social media pretty significantly in the past few years! I felt as though if someone liked my post that they accepted me as a person, when in reality that same person wouldn’t even say hello to me at Walmart! Life is so funny that way you know. You think you know someone because they share their most intimate moments of their lives on social media, but what you don’t see is the struggles or bloopers! I sure would love to see some of the perfect peoples bloopers or outtakes I bet they are soooo funny 😂 You see for me I long for deeper relationships with everyone. I always wanted to be loved or accepted so I sought that from the wrong places like social media and certain friends. But in reality those things were never meant to satisfy my needs like Jesus can or those beautiful souls he placed in my life who take time for me too.

-I want the golden girls kind of relationships in my life.

-I need a Blanche who tells me to go for it.

-I also need a friend like Dorothy to keep me straight.

-I long to be more like Sophia and speak my mind.🥴🤷‍♀️🤔

-But let’s be honest I am real life Rose Nylund all day long! 🤣👏🏼

••I also want this for my children’s sake too!

I want for my children to reach for the stars, achieve their biggest goals, but never stepping on others to get there! I pray that my children form meaningful relationships with people; maybe not always intimate/deep relationships but that they’ve left their mark on each person they meet! I pray they long for sit down meals with friends to have long conversations about the things that matter to them instead of posting it on Facebook for it to later be misunderstood by people who barely know them!

{I pray mostly that they see that physical or spiritual presence will always be greater than “social” acceptance! You my children can always overcome that feeling of unimportance from the face of social media if you turn to “real life” involvement and experiences! Volunteer at a shelter, spend some time with the elderly who are lonely, or heck travel the world, but always remain strong knowing that God is with you wherever you go!}

With all the ✌🏼 & 💗,

Brit❤️

•I’ll be honest, some days are hard. Some days I come home overwhelmed already unsure if I have any energy left in me to give you, but after seeing your faces I find that motivation to keep going until the day is done!

•There are days when I would like to scream and throw myself into the floor and greet you the way you greet me with such irrational emotions about silly things. Like me not letting you have a 5lb bag of flour to carry at 18 months old for no reason. Or me not letting you go outside in shorts when it’s 30 degrees outside because you’re 5 and you just don’t understand these things yet!

•Thennnn……comes those rare, but BEAUTIFUL days, oh how I cherish those days! When I wake up to find you have already dressed yourself for school standing outside my bedroom door with a huge grin waiting to see me! I LOVE when you hug my leg even if it is 20 times in 5 minutes because bubba told you too! Those days are my absolute favorite days!

•Tonight you both needed me. No one else would do, even poor dad who gave it his best to get you to bed, but I rocked you both in my lap and my heart is soooo full of love for you! I often get overwhelmed when you need only me, but tonight The Lord reminded me so softly what a BLESSING it is to be loved by you! My little loves; you are what love is!

• I will fail you both just as I have before by no means on purpose. But I will never give up on you. I will love you with everything I have until my last day!

With all the ✌🏼 and 💗,

-(one tired but sincerely blessed) mom! 🥰

“As long as I’m living my baby you’ll be.” ♥️

Someone once told me that I was”too happy all the time.”

I honestly never seen myself this way before so it sort of stuck with me.

You see to me inside my anxiety ridden mess of a brain, I had always been a negative Nancy. I typically would question God and wonder what bad thing was going to come next: as if my whole life had been bad…untrue! I just couldn’t see the bright side to anything…ever…

Almost a decade later I was diagnosed with clinical major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. I would say that was the biggest shock to me- like a

Punch in the gut, took me down to my knees (literally), and made me realize how I had been living for the past 29 years of my existence! It was almost as if God allowed me to fall into the pits of the valley so I could truly see what an amazing life I led! It was at this moment I realized I had always questioned God saying, “I don’t deserve this life, no one should be stuck with me including myself- or- this life was meant for someone else not me.” It’s almost as if I wouldn’t allow myself to be happy inside, deep down, because I was afraid of how that might make OTHER people feel! That leads me to my biggest weakness- people

pleasing……

You see I understand the life and tragedy of Robin Williams. I understand how making people laugh is the best medicine. How to put on a smile and just go on about your day as if the world you live in is beautiful, when really it feels like it’s black and white. No color.

That is what depression feels like.

When I was diagnosed I think I was stunned to my core. Like who is this guy whose never met me a day in his life sitting here telling me that I need counseling and medicine to climb out of this pit I’m in? I felt at a major crossroads to be honest….

God had always always always been with me I mean from when I was a young child I could feel the Holy Spirit and I knew there was sooo much more to this life. So I was just supposed to trust this doctor and take this medicine and I would be healed?

Nope. I went home filled the prescription took one decided I couldn’t do it because it was the cheap easy way out.

Addiction runs deep in my family- I think I was afraid that I would get addicted to it, although I know that’s not how this medicine works, my brain couldn’t talk my heart into it yet.

The depression/devil had a choke hold on me to say the least. I was chained down in the pits of what seemed like hell for months. My face, hands, and body felt like they were on fire. My heart would pound for no reason and my head would feel so dizzy I couldn’t stand up some days.

I’d say my anxiety ridden brain had taken me down a mountain side rolling so fast and wide that I didn’t really have time to realize what was happening until I hit rock bottom and felt like I was nowhere to be found. Let me say it was soo soo dark down in this valley. It was like someone had thrown me into a 20 foot deep tunnel with no lights and told me to climb out without any help— or that’s how it felt early on, then it got worse. I tried 6 different medicines and some

Made my depression worse, I came to a point where I couldn’t feel anything- not even Gods presence. I just wanted it to be gone and I figured everyone else would be better off without me. Let me say that is a LIE and thank God I realized there were people, medicines, and Jesus!!! 👏🏼

Oh sweet sweet Jesus! He was there in that VALLEY! He saw me fall to the depths of darkness I never knew I could. You see that choke hold of anxiety/depression was on me my whole life—- just barely there enough to ruin my day or make me question God. It was always there to make me doubt him in moments when He was bigger than my problems always!

Someone told me along the way,”Britny you know it’s okay to not be okay right?” I had ALWAYS put others ahead of myself, including my mental health as well. I wanted everyone else to be happy, healthy, smiling, and content because that is so badly what I longed for in this life.

Those words were so true- it’s okay to NOT BE OKAY sometimes! WE ARE HUMAN!

SO.. I decided to take it to the ONE who could change my life completely-my Heavenly Father! ❤️

There were days I would lay in the floor at the foot of my bed and pray so hard I had no words left in me. “Lord, take this dizziness away!” “Take these thoughts away,” or “please help me understand what this is all for!!!” I CRIED OUT FOR JESUS MERCY ON ME! I put on the full and I mean FULL armor of GOD and I went out to fight the hardest most tiring battle of my life- all in my mind! I climbed a little piece of those mountains daily with God always by my side! I slept with my Bible on my chest because I knew that He would keep me safe from the devils schemes!! I tore down all those walls my brain had built over the last 29 years that I thought were protecting me; when really they had been piling so high it was so heavy and I literally came tumbling down with them.

My brain was so tired.. tired of making up ideas in my head of what my life should be verses what it truly was. I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN SO BLESSED AND FINALLY I COULD SEE THOSE BLESSINGS

The reason I share this all is to say that GOD IS IN THOSE VALLEYS! Even the not so deep ones too. He’s there in the big moments all the way down to tying your shoes every day!

So I guess I will take those words ,”you’re too happy/positive,” and keep on spreading some light to others because it no longer is a negative thing to me. It no longer has to feel heavy and I no longer feel the need to explain myself or WHO I AM to everyone I meet.. ☺️ because I am who GOD MADE TO BE- perfect in his image (with some minor quirks) 🤷‍♀️

It has taken me 31 years and a whole lot of praying to learn to love myself in all the ways. But I am here to tell you and thank those who didn’t give up on me that IT IS NOT EASY TO FIGHT THE BATTLES alone! You don’t have to pick up yesterday’s sorrows- or last years or even last decades! Those battles belong to God! Please know that God led me to the best counselors, doctors, friends, husband, and medicine there is so that I could finally be at peace inside my brain.

You are NOT ALONE in those valleys my friend- God is WITHIN you; he will not fail you! ❤️

With all the ✌🏼 & 💗,

Brit 🥰